Today is Amillia's 3rd birthday in Heaven. Every year, I begin to get stressed as her birthday approaches. I think about her daily... but as her birthday approaches, it always makes me think more intentionally and reflect on where my life is.
Everything reminds me of her... the little girl she'd be. Would she have dark hair or light hair? Would she love baby dolls and pretending with her toys? Would she love the farm animals as we do? How sick would she have actually been?
See, Amillia was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, a genetic condition that doctors call incompatible with life. However, there are many children living with Trisomy 18, but the life expectancy is slim. When we found out that she was sick, we prayed and had faith that she might be healed, but also knew the reality of the situation. So I prayed to the Lord that if she couldn't stay with us, that I would be eternally grateful, if I could just feel her kick and hold her.
I am so grateful that the Lord blessed me to be able to hold my sweet baby. She was born in April 29, 2016 at 7:30am. She was born sleeping, as we call it in the stillborn world. She was beautiful! She was only 26 weeks gestation, but every part of her was formed perfectly. Her tiny little hand wrapped around my finger, her tiny little feet with 10 beautiful toes, and her face looked like that of an angel. She even had her big brothers button nose. The hardest thing we did, harder than holding her, was the moment we layed her in the casket and the funeral home picked her up. At that moment, I knew I'd never see her again. Never again would I be able to hold my baby. Never again would I kiss her. Never again would I be able to tell her how much I loved her. I miss her, oh, how I miss her! I wish I could hold her and love on her, but I also realize that there is a higher plan than what I can see, and I trust in that plan. I truly believe that families are forever, and that I will see her again... my perfect, beautiful, glorified baby girl. Until then, I'm grateful for the tender mercies that I'm blessed with daily.
Sometimes life gives us things we don't want, and then other times life takes away the things we wanted most. But thru these trials, I have learned that I can be grateful even when things are hard.
I am grateful to call this beautiful little baby mine, as she has touched so many lives with such a short time her.
Sweet Amillia, Mommy and daddy love and miss you everyday!❤❤